


the avengers, starring in: not learning from previous twitter mistakes

by catharsis_in_a_bottle



Series: avengers casually breaking the internet [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexual Clint Barton, Bisexual Tony Stark, Crack, Domestic Avengers, Gay Bruce Banner, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), I think that's everyone??, Like in a good way, Multi, Social Media, This Is Gonna Be Bad, Trans Tony Stark, Twitter, anyway here's even more tags just to be annoying, because yeah, bi steve rogers, but also in a bad way, i'm not gonna tag all of that bc it'd take forever but here's some, there's no way i'm gonna be able to tag them all so i'll stop here lmao, to clarify basically all of them are lgbtq in some way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catharsis_in_a_bottle/pseuds/catharsis_in_a_bottle
Summary: there literally isn't a plot it's just twitter and chaos, enter at your own risk
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov/Being a Badass, Scott Lang/Jimmy Woo, Valkyrie/OFC, Wanda Maximoff/Vision, maybe more
Series: avengers casually breaking the internet [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164683
Comments: 10
Kudos: 56





	1. haha we gonna wreck twitter again

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone, i'm writing this impulsively <3 i kind of cringe reading the first part of this series which i wrote many months ago but like, hey, this is a continuation of it (you don't have to read that one first though because there's literally no plot to continue) - it's just that some small things in this are based off of the first one, like the fact that phil coulson is now called 'philly'. i have two extremes: writing weird metaphorical fanfics and whatever the hell this is. that is all, thank you in advance for reading this *thing* that will undoubtedly turn into a shitshow

**Iron Can @tonystank**  
Hello my fellow avengers, do y’all remember that time we went absolutely batshit crazy all over twitter?

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
How could we possibly forget

 **Bruce Banner @drbannerbro**  
Tony, are you or are you not referring to every day within the past year

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
Okay yes but

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
I wanna go on a spree

 **Bruce Banner @drbannerbro**  
Don’t break the internet

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
The internet will undoubtedly shatter

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
the internet is our playground and I’m bored as hell

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
Okay here are the rules: everyone be as gay as possible, beat the shit out of bigots, and spout nonsense to the world, just like last time yeah?

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Count me in

 **Bruce Banner @drbannerbro**  
I can already feel disaster looming around the corner

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
okay u guys why all the buildupt, just spam ajlready i wanna join the partyyy

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Clint is drunk guys don’t mind him

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
shhhhh nat b quiet spamn the intyernetttttyu

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**God of Thunder @sparklefingers**  
Why did no one tell me of the existence of ‘hot pretzels’? They freely adorn the streets around the Avengers tower, and yet not once have I thought to purchase one. Needless to say, they are beautiful. 

**no i do not have rabies @rocketracc**  
I get ‘em from the dumpster bc no one is gonna sell pretzels to a raccoon

 **no i do not have rabies @rocketracc**  
Say, Thor, those pretzel vendors probably give /you/ them for free, whaddaya say you bring some back to the whole gang

 **God of Thunder @sparklefingers**  
The ‘whole gang’ currently surpasses 30 members, I believe, and I refuse to deny vendors their money, but I’ll see what I can do.

 **Steve Rogers @captainofwatchyourlanguage**  
Thor, for our own sakes, please do not bring over 30 pretzels back to the tower

 **no i do not have rabies @rocketracc**  
PLEASE DO

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
I’ll pay for them

 **Steve Rogers @captainofwatchyourlanguage**  
Don’t encourage him Tony

 **no i do not have rabies @rocketracc**  
buy pretzels buy pretzels buy pretzels

***one hour later***  


**birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
hey um would anyone care to explain why the FUCK there are 175 pretzels in our living room

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
?????!!???!!?????

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**ny kiddd <3 @loveu3000**  
ig the avengers are going on a twitter rampage again, so i’d like to take this time to ask @pottsypepper if she’s ok

 **The Sane One @pottsypepper**  
@loveu3000 I am not okay, but at this point I guess I have to deal with whatever’s thrown at me. (Also, nice username.)

 **ny kiddd <3 @loveu3000**  
GLAD U RESPONDED OMG i wish you luck, godspeed the #1 avengers redhead, and THANK YOUUUUUU

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Direct message: @tonystank to @pottsypepper**

**@tonystank** : pepper you absolutely have the right to just like,,,, log off of twitter  
**@pottsypepper** : Then I’d miss all the fun  
**@tonystank** : while *also* avoiding a stroke  
**@pottsypepper** : True, but I’m taking my chances, I want to watch you embarrass yourself  
**@tonystank** : that is completely and utterly fair

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Shuriiiii :) :) :) @smarter_than_tony_stark**  
@parkerpeter Should we hack twitter again just to cause more chaos? :)

 **friendly neighborhood biderman @parkerpeter**  
HAHA YES mr. stark would MURDER me though

 **Shuriiiii :) :) :) @smarter_than_tony_stark**  
Death is honorable if wielded to a wonderful purpose :)

 **friendly neighborhood biderman @parkerpeter**  
okay but we have to do something different this time

 **friendly neighborhood biderman @parkerpeter**  
add some *;spice;*

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
I won’t allow this

 **Shuriiiii :) :) :) @smarter_than_tony_stark**  
When have I ever listened to you?

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
Oh I know I can’t stop you, it’s Peter I have a chance with

 **friendly neighborhood biderman @parkerpeter**  
mr. stark with all due respect, you won’t let me harass you in the lab anymore, at least let me do it on here? pwetty pwease?

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
You expect me to listen to a sentence with the phrase, and I quote, ‘pwetty pwease’ in it

 **Shuriiiii :) :) :) @smarter_than_tony_stark**  
Peter don’t say anything just meet me at midnight and we will plan our evil little schemes :)

 **Iron Can @tonystank**  
I’ll stop you

 **friendly neighborhood biderman @parkerpeter**  
no u won’t mr stark :)

 **Shuriiiii :) :) :) @smarter_than_tony_stark**  
No you won’t :)))))

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
How To Murder People Who Constantly Spy On You: A Guide

**View Thread  
|  
|  
V**

**Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Step 1. Know your surroundings. Be aware of where your target moves and the areas they frequent

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
nat please stop

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Step 2. Schematic Layout. Be prepared before your attack. Gather all weapons necessary; clear remnants of hot pretzels from the area

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
nat i don’t think u can post an assassination guide on twitter

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Step 3. Get Your Target to Shut Up. Don’t let them deter you on social media sites

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
natasha romanov i am not spying on u i just made a movie den in the ceiling give me some peace

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
You made a movie den where now

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
in the ceiling bc everyone always wants to watch stupid shit so i stole a tv n some pillows and i got a movie den in the ceiling

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Strange, yet… genius

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
I revoke my murder plan

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
thank u very much

 **Philly @agentpcoulson**  
Just to clarify, he’s been planning this for weeks, blueprints and everything. 

**Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
How many blueprints could it possibly take to shove some pillows in the ceiling

 **Philly @agentpcoulson**  
‘Blueprints’ being synonymous with ‘scrap paper to doodle on’.

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
hey my bird drawings are pretty good

 **Philly @agentpcoulson**  
They are, but I’m sure your numerous tower-mates don’t appreciate the fact that the Sound of Music soundtrack constantly rings through the ventilation system. 

**Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
So THAT’S where it was coming from

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
i’m being attacked rn

 **Natalie Rushman @sapphicspiderspy**  
Be quiet I’m coming up there with you

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
no you’re not

 **Philly @agentpcoulson**  
You know you can’t stop her, Clint

 **birbs r cool @clintbart0nmilkcart0n**  
be quiet philly let me watch sound of music on repeat let me make movie dens and eat pretzelsssssssss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will most certainly not be updating this consistently, so i'll either post at the speed of light or every few days. i am writing this to fuel my queer soul


	2. the plot thickens, like a soup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky tries to turn steve into a communist, oh and everyone is alive i make the rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a bit shorter, i have zero energy, also aroace doctor strange okay bye

**Buckyyyy @shakemylefthand**  
what if I told you…. that I got steve to start reading marxist theory

**mr. king sam wilson @peregrinefalcon**  
I’d say bullshit, that man isn’t going anywhere near the communist manifesto

**Buckyyyy @shakemylefthand**  
well mr. king sam wilson… i beg to differ

**Steve Rogers @captainofwatchyourlanguage**  
Bucky, why are we talking about this on twitter?

**mr. king sam wilson @peregrinefalcon**  
Wait are you genuinely reading the communist manifesto

**Steve Rogers @captainofwatchyourlanguage**  
I genuinely am. And I genuinely don’t understand why this is becoming a social media conversation

**Buckyyyy @shakemylefthand**  
because the world needs to see this, steve

**Buckyyyy @shakemylefthand**  
all the baby anti-capitalist gays need to have this information

**Steve Rogers @captainofwatchyourlanguage**  
How am I even supposed to respond to that

**Buckyyyy @shakemylefthand**  
don’t respond babe just respect the fact that you’re a bi communist icon

**Steve Rogers @captainofwatchyourlanguage**  
I’m certainly bi but I’m not a communist.

**Buckyyyy @shakemylefthand**  
you’re a socialist at the very least, come on join meeee

**mr. king sam wilson @peregrinefalcon**  
I’m so fucking confused

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**EAT THE RICH @MJ_will_fight_you**  
So does anyone else wanna turn all of the avengers into anarcho-socialists or is it just me

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Dr. Constantly Annoyed @stephenstrange**  
I know I hardly post on here at all, but I’d like to take the time to do so right now, regarding a topic of particular importance to me.

**View Thread  
|  
|  
V**

**Dr. Constantly Annoyed @stephenstrange**  
Arospec awareness week is coming up this February, and though it’s a week of awareness, not many people are actually aware of aromantic identities.

**Dr. Constantly Annoyed @stephenstrange**  
I, for one, am both aromantic and asexual, and I experience no romantic or sexual attraction towards anyone. This hasn’t come up mainly because I despise revealing personal things on the Internet; so sue me.

**Dr. Constantly Annoyed @stephenstrange**  
However, I’m well-known, and I’d like to just put this out there. I encourage you to do your research during arospec awareness week. I encourage you to support us.

**Dr. Constantly Annoyed @stephenstrange**  
And I encourage you to - not accidentally create time loops, as I may have just done.

**Wong @trymebeyonce**  
I’m very proud of you, Strange, but can you stop it with the time loop thing?

**Dr. Constantly Annoyed @stephenstrange**  
Evidently not. 

**Iron Can @tonystank**  
Glad to know the Avengers tower has a resident aroace. Also, please don’t demolish the space-time continuum?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**u thought i wuz ded @maxipietro**  
hey guys i’m also aro, props to Doc McStrange for coming out! i’m not ace though, bisexual as all hell

**Madame Maximoff @bitchywitchy**  
Hey bro, I’m proud of you, but could you do all of our emotional trauma a favor and change your handle 

**u thought i wuz ded @maxipietro**  
my handle???

**Madame Maximoff @bitchywitchy**  
Your twitter name, for the love of god

**basically the flash @maxipietro**  
this better?? i mean i’m not dead we all know that - 

**Madame Maximoff @bitchywitchy**  
……..

**Vision @howoldamireally**  
… /as a change of subject/, when did you get Twitter, Pietro?

**basically the flash @maxipietro**  
like 3 days ago

**Madame Maximoff @bitchywitchy**  
He is bad at using it

**basically the flash @maxipietro**  
look i’m sorry about the name i was trying to be ‘funny’, yeah?

**Vision @howoldamireally**  
You constantly astound me, Pietro

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Direct message: @tonystank to @drbannerbro**

**@tonystank** : I’m starting to think that there genuinely aren’t any straight avengers  
 **@drbannerbro** : I mean there’s Thor, Pepper… maybe Wanda? Probably Falcon, but then everyone else is either an android or a cyborg so we can’t really tell  
 **@drbannerbro** : It’s great  
 **@tonystank** : It is indeed, pride month is gonna be an operation this year  
 **@drbannerbro** : We’ll make it work  
 **@tonystank** : we will indeed  
 **@drbannerbro** : You just used ‘indeed’ twice, are you okay  
 **@tonystank** : when have I ever even approached being okay  
 **@drbannerbro:** That settles it, you’re coming to Qdoba with me tonight at seven  
 **@tonystank** : are you forcing me to go on a date  
 **@drbannerbro:** Yes  
 **@tonystank** : okay i’m in  
 **@drbannerbro** : You have no choice  
 **@drbannerbro** : Burritos are scientifically good for the ‘soul’


End file.
